Smoke on the water. The French generals take bad cues and strike at the wrong time, the lines are broken and Napoleon is getting a stomachache. Before word of victory reaches the Duke of Wellington, The Rothschild observer on the ground, a man named Rothworth, has already sent word back to England. Nathan Mayer Rothschild, knowing that everyone on the trading floor is watching him (their courier lines were the best of the best), begins to sell English bonds called “consuls” as if Napoleon has won. Everyone else soon follows and the conclusion that the English have lost begins to take root in everyone’s gut. The price of consuls bottoms out, and THEN Rothschild has his men begin buying back quietly. By the time Wellington’s courier’s arrive and confirm victory, Rothschild is in position to control the Bank of England.

The “Incident of infant abandonment at Seorae Village” has become the story of the summer in La Republique. Veronique Courjault is standing trial in Tours, France, for some alleged infanticiding she did in 1999. This is BEFORE her infamous Babes-in-the-Freezer production went down in Seoul, South Korea. That’s where all this began to unfold. In July of 2006, when Madame Courjault went home to France, she left her working husband, Jean-Louis, and their two sons, behind in the family flat- the family flat that was equipped with all sorts of amenities, including a large basement freezer…

Jean Louis, now home alone, began to forage for food and decided to peruse the downstairs cold storage. To his horror, Mr. Courjault found not one but two babes in the freezer. He called the police, He called his wife, what then? who knows maybe he called for pizza and put on some Beatles.

(NOTE: In 1966 the Beatles released their 10th album- THE BEATLES YESTERDAY AND TODAY. The cover, a take on the Vietnam war, was quickly banned. A few rare copies got out but most were covered over- see how happy they were about reshooting. Alan Livingston, the president of Capitol Records put away 24 brand new albums into his private stash. They reappeared in 1987 in Los Angeles- today each is worth around $40,000 dollars)

Veronique, who was holidaying in France at the time, decided not to return to South Korea for charges and kim-chee. That’s understandable as prison in South Korea is no funhouse, but you still have to take your shoes off when you go in.

Mr. Courjault didn’t purposely incriminate his wife. He believed her when she said they must belonged to someone else. But somewhere along the line, possibly after the DNA tests, Veronique caved. Being a robust, mildly plump damsel, she was able to hide her pregnancies- one in 2002 and another in 2003. When the time came for birthing- she went to the bathroom and quietly had them in the tub. Then she cut off their air supply. And that’s where things get bad for Veronique, because that’s murder… specifically infanticide.

Upon being implicated, Mrs. Courjault then confessed that she had carried out similar work in France in 1999, prior to the Korean escapades, when she dropped a newborn into the family fireplace. This confession ensures that Veronique will remain in France for a long while. Her Lawyers are now trying to prove that she suffers from Pregnancy Denial Syndrome, which seems to be a real life epidemic in some places. Apparently there are thousands of women who only get wind of their pregnancy after going into labor, and a small percentage of them still deny being pregnant. Many claim they have no connection with the fetus and in some cases show no signs of a bun in the over.Some medical professionals are pushing for mandatory psychiatric evaluation for such women.

Just last year, a 44 year old woman in Germany was arrested for keeping 3 babies in her freezer…. FROM THE 80′s!!! Her kids inadvertantly outed her when they went looking for a pizza. A modern twist on infanticide- What’s the deal with keeping them on ice?

Research on Penguins has just entered a renaissance. Emperor penguins are a rare breed that tough out the harsh Antarctic Winter by huddling together, singing penguin songs of old, and shooting the @#$!. Until recently scientists knew very little about which emperors go where and whether or not they take clothes. It’s hard to see them or anything else in the dark winter. But a great leap forward was recently made by Peter Fretwell and Phil Trathan when they discovered that penguins can be tracked by their poop from space.

This is what the future is all about. Putting existing technology together in new, clever(er) ways to understand more. By using images generated from the Landsat Image Mosaic of Antarctica (LIMA), it was noted that every once in a while an anomalous smudge shows up on the ice (See for yourself such a smudge above). That’s penguin pooh from space, Baby.

In the coming years, I’m sure analysis will be deduced in greater detail from photos like these- diet variety, colony psychology, who’s sleeping with who… But all this depends on the work of researchers who are out there in the trenches now, asking the hard questions and finding answers with intelligent design (ha). Researchers like Nathan Myhrvold, who explained penguin pooh trajectories in his landmark paper entitled “Pressures Produced When Penguins Pooh — Calculations on Avian Defaecation.” Ahh. We’re merely standing on the shoulders of Giants.

Part I. Palau or Bust

Those 22 Uighurs we picked up in Tora Bora, Afghanistan are now a problem. Turns out they weren’t training to terrorize us, they were actually training to terrorize the People’s Liberation Army.  So going home to Uighurville suddenly isn’t very compatible with life, neither is their extended Cuban holiday. (Note: Uighurville doesn’t actually exist on paper. It’s more of a state of mind. Let’s just call it Northwest China)

Some pre-released Uighurs have already been sent to Albania… obviously to learn about democracy and to share Uighur seed, while the rest of the Uighur majority remain in a Guantanamo doublewide, catching 22hrs of artificial sunlight per day. I wonder if they use energy saver bulbs down there.

Meanwhile, Eric Holder and the lawdog holding company are desperately trying to find a parallel universe to drop them to: An old space probe? That really deep mineshaft in Russia? An Island… but a special island. Like that one run by scientists and peopled by a mix of plane crash victims and polar bears… wait. What about Bermuda? Or that other island friend of ours

Palau, you know Palau…. Coalition of the willing? The free, independent, kind-of-America-kind-of-not-island-nation about to sink into Pacific? After Germany, Australia, Canadia and the rest of the Chinese pressurized world said no, Palau caved. They don’t see any China, they only see Taiwan, and that spells “permanent Uighur vacation”.

The Palauans (Palauanese, Palauis sp.?)… they may be an Atoll but they ain’t cheap. Rumor over the “waves” says some USD 200 million will be infused into the island nation like some kind of inheritance estate plan. Most of that money will be used to purchase sandbags and recreate a small Uighurville on the North Side.

These Uighur guys are some tough cookies, they weren’t at summer camp in Afghanistan making arts and crafts. But now they’re really loony. With years in secret detention, regular beatings and solitary confinement, they could use a little R&R.

Nag Mohammed is one the Uighurs on the block right now. Here’s his Guantanamo bay Report Card

“Nag Mohammed is a 26-year-old Chinese citizen who is an ethnic Uighur from the Xinjiang province of China. Mohammed was last interviewed in mid 2003. He had disciplinary action on 27 May 2003 for spitting, throwing water and body fluids on a guard. Mohammed has had no discipline during this calendar year. Mohammed has been suspected as being a probable member of the East Turkistan Islamic Movement (ETIM). He is suspected of having received training in an ETIM training camp in Afghanistan.”

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Part II: The Casio F-91W

Owning a watch may increase your coolness and magnetism about town, however it could also make you a potential target to be a potential terrorist with potential to terrorize. To illustrate this point, We’ve employed a flickr pic of a photographer identified only as the Hank. As you can see the Hank is eating, but he’s also wearing a Casio F-91W wristwatch. Not only does this timepiece run a multiplex program (Alarm-Stopwatch-Time AND light display), it also aids and abets Al Queda. Cultandpaste does not know the Hank and in no way insinuates that he is anything more than a Casio F-91W wristwatch and that this is a great photograph.

Unlike Cultandpaste, The Defense Department picked up a number of people in Afghanistan simply because they were wearing the Casio F-91W  and olive green pants… at the very same time. Apparently the watch can be converted into a detonator and the pants can make your legs disappear. Disappearing Detonator Detainees. Careful Hank.

Up at Seton Hall, research is being compiled…. the Denbeaux Report, which can be accessed here. It’s an ongoing assessment of the detainee debacle with a thorough investigation into what the Government says and what it can actually prove.

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Part III: Sean Baker and the Brain Damage

The New York Times and the LA times ran a piece here and here on this guy in June 2005. Eveyone was pretty numbed by all the terror and torture back then. Kentucky man, Sean Baker. An every day average US Army Joe the plumber kind of guy, he’s got a wife and kid, probably a mortgage. Baker is sent down to Guantanamo and is asked to serve in a training drill for the “internal reaction force”. The IRF is some kind of mysterious in-house stazi-esque riot squad that rampages through the prison “irf’”ing detainees.

Specialist Baker is some kind of guinea pig for the IRF guys and he had his head covered and his classy orange jumpsuit on when the IRF crew arrived. Like a folgers commercical, they had no idea their detainee had been secretly switched with a soldier.

The Irfing begins, but it doesn’t stop. Even when Baker says the “safe” word- RED. The IRF clowns continue mashing his head to the floor a few more times. Sean Baker is whisked off to Walter Reed Hospital and the Army doctors confirm in their reports that Baker suffered “Traumatic Brain Damage”. Baker did an interview with a local Kentucky TV station where he shows off his pill collection and luxurious unemployed status. The Army, now speaking as an army of one, issued a statement through voicebox Maj. Laurie Arellano. She insinuated that while the rough-houing did take place, the brain damage wasn’t really all that bad.

The 1944 publication of the “Geological Investigation of the Alluvial Valley of the Lower Mississippi River” was a landmark achievement for the U.S. Geological Survey. In a feat of aesthetic ingenuity, engineer-geologist-artist Harold N. Fisk (1908-1964) combined all available modern powers of earth, sky and water and collated them into a remarkable illustrated map collection that spanned miles and miles of the Mississippi. The New Deal era created an employment boom for the USGS; lucky for lazy river lovers everywhere.

Mississippi is Ojibwe for “Great River” (misi-ziibi). Doodoosh means “breast”, doodooshaaboo means “milk” and doodooshaaboo-bimide means “butter.” Boogidi means “he/she flatulates.” You never know.

(via RadicalCartography)