cult and paste

be careful where you clique

we blew up the instructions

It’s hilarious. It’s depressing. It’s scary.

Back in the Cold War, Lockheed Martin cooked up the the Trident Missile for the United States and Great Britain to use as a “Don’t mess with me sucka” deterrent against the Reds. The missiles were designed to launch off of underwater submarines, head into orbit and deliver their payload to destination X. Well that’s a great word- Payload.

Turns out that the payload contents have been lost. There was some kind of aerogel included in the part that goes Kaboom; Insiders call it FOGBANK- it’s some kind of J-E-L-L-O that was cooked up in such secrecy that the cooks seemed to have eaten it. Nowhere to be found.

Now that the Pentagon is having to tighten it’s belt, they’re going back over their stash and greasing up the old fireworks.  But they can’t remember what was in the payload of the Trident. How did it go again?

“How to make Fogbank-

  • Two eggs
  • 3 heaping teaspoons of plutonium,
  • 5 packages of Cherry Jello,
  • Deep freeze until jelly ignites in air”

Here’s an excerpt of the explanation Thomas D’Agostino gave Congress (Thomas is the  administrator of the US National Nuclear Security Administration) remember he can’t say out loud what fogbank is because he might explode! The hearing was held in 2007 under the auspicious title-  Hearing of the Energy and Water Development Subcommittee of the House Appropriations Committee take it away Thomas….

“… there is a material that we currently use and it’s in a facility that we built at Y-12. It’s a very complicated material that — we call it the fog bank. That’s not classified, but it’s a material that’s very important to, you know, our life extension activity. And we are spending a lot of money as part of the LEP in making —trying to produce the material and we are not out of the woods yet…. In fact, we had to build a separate spillway, external, because if this stuff ever caused a problem we would want — we would have to put it in this area. It’s expensive to operate and maintain that facility.”

That’s really great guys. whatever we’re trying to recreate is supertoxic, expensive, AND destructive. You all should have put your money into middle schools and better thinktanks. Short-sighted thinking.

Incidentally, do you recall Putin foaming about the US re-igniting an arms race a while back? Was that about the Trident upgrade? I bet he didn’t know about the missing Fogbank. He does now… cause Vlad reads

(p.s.VP- I know you can’t comment freely and yes I got your email about wanting to be fearless leader in late April, don’t worry. Keep an eye out for those intercontinentals.)


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