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Elephantine Musticulator Disorders

This is a normal spleen. It weighs about 150 grams and serves to filter bacteria and old red blood cells out of your circulation every day.

And this is the United States Supreme court. It weighs in every so often to keep American lawyers employed

What may not be initially apparent from the above photograph is that Ruth Bader Ginsberg has been Justifying since August 21, without the use of her spleen. That’s because doctors took it out over fears that Ginsberg may have acquired Elephantine Musticulator Disorder (EMD). Luckily for the Justice (and justice for all), the pathology reports showed no signs of EMD in slide preparations of the spleen.

EMD is a debilitating syndrome with a constellation of symptoms ranging from undulating fever and mild jaundice to violent mood swings associated with secondary acquired hyperacusis similar to the type found in William’s Syndrome.  Large, “tusk-like” granulomatous lesions in the Musticulator Nucleus are pathognomonic for the disorder. These lesions generate an immune reaction that flatten normal red blood cells. These cells collect in the cords of Billroth and can induce splenomegaly. Most cases, if left untreated can be lethal.

The earliest description of what clinicians now refer to as EMD was characterized by Nikolay Pirogov in the 19th Century during the Crimean War, when he successfully resected the entire Musticulator nucleus from a young, French prisoner noted only in Pirogov’s diary as “Clemenceau”. It is not known whether the patient survived.


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