cult and paste

be careful where you clique

Ode to Bubbles the Chimp: There is a Manimal inside each of us

bubbles the chimpanzee chimp monkey michael jackson

“Bubbles is more fun than a lot of people I know. I saw Bubbles at a wedding in a tux. He has great table manners.”

-Quincy Jones-

Bubbles the chimp and his alpha male master Mike parted ways long ago. What started as a rescue mission from a Cancer research lab, became limelight, uber-military bling, and outright poop on the wall freakdom. Equal toilet rights and jokes about his pampers made Bubbles ornery.  When he tried to eat a little boy, Michael had him sent away. The Enquirer reported that Prince had used remote viewing and mind control to rearrange the monkey’s thought processes, but as of today still no comment from the artist formerly known as.

Whether or not monkey and Michael will be reunited in a plastination Body Worlds exhibit remains to be seen. After all, Bubbles, 26, is still alive. Now that Jesse Jackson is a spokesperson for the Jackson clan in the “deliberanation” of a second autopsy, the remains of the day remain to be dealt with. I’m sure that disembodier extrordanaire, Gunther von Hagens, is foaming at the mouth with cadaver envy.  The addition of a chimp and a moonwalker to his wax body world would really tie the room together.

How different is a Chimp from a Human? In 1952, Paul Maclean proposed that the higher primate brain (including a Bubble brain) may be layered like a cake. The R-complex (reptillian brain) carries out the most basic functions associated with survival- instincts- balance, autonomic muscle control, breathing. Next comes the Limbic System- a hodgepodge of nerve pathways that control our internal and external reactions to pleasure and pain (in use when Bubbles partied in Tokyo). Finally the Neocortex is where higher primates can coordinate, evaluate and imaginate their thought processes (stimulated when Bubbles realized he got dumped for another chimp named Max).

Maclean’s triune brain theory was based on years of studying injured soldiers, injured monkeys, injured cats, injured rats…. It offered an idea of how analytical skills integrate and where they come from. I wonder if he could have done anything for Bubbles.

I attended a dinner party last week, and in a conversation with a German colleague it was divulged that among the possessions of Michael Jackson were the eyes of Albert Einstein. I have no idea whether this is true as receipts for such purchases are difficult to come by. Given the strange misadventures of Einstein’s brain, it is certainly possible that his eyes are also loose. They were last seen in New Jersey in the 1950’s. Would Bubbles know about this? Would Bubbles know anything about  disarming the alarm system Michael had on his bedroom? Was Bubbles around for the sleepovers and the wine drinking?


Today Bubbles is recovering from his bouts of suicide and depression. He spends most of his time reminiscing in a Wauchula, Florida, ape rehab center- trying to teach to teach the other apes how to moonwalk. This song is for you Bub. I feel your pain.


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