cult and paste

be careful where you clique

Early EU protoypes and their Dismal Disintegrations

This article concerns Lothair, king of Lothringen, a kingdom that no longer exists.

But first some background about why I decided to write on Lothair….

“Lothar of the Hill people” is an old SNL skit based upon “Lothar of the hand people”, a band of mad dwarves that packed in their synthesizers and took electropop country to the people. Just listen

All that to say “Lothar of the hand people” got me wondering about the original Lothar and how he must’ve handled himself. Actually I thought Lothar might be a good name for a dog and then I “suddenly remembered my Charlemagne”

Once upon a time in the 9th Century there was a European Union Called the Carolingian Empire. It ran from pink to yellow.

The whole thing was ultimately set up by Charlemagne, King of the Franks. Charlemagne was actually Belgian but since we all know Belgium isn’t a real country, we’ll call him what everyone else called him, Charlemagne (Karl= old man + magne= the great). Even today the root “kral” or king comes from the old man’s name. Here you see Charlemagne’s tag as you would find it marking his land and stuff.


Like all Belgian kings of note, Charlemagne spent much of his reign expanding and consolidating his empire. Managing it would be something else. After Charlemagne died, His 3 grandsons were put in charge of the kingdom, according to the color coded map above.

Louis the German got yellow,

Charles the Bald got Pink,

and Lothair I got green.

Lothair’s empire was Lothringen which is today known as Lorraine, an area much sought after in wars through to wwii.

Louis set up Germany, Charles the Bald founded France, but Lothair…. could never get the love from his other two brothers and he ended up brokering a weak peace agreement and leaving his share of the union to HIS three sons.

Son 1 took Nothern Italy, Son 2 Provence and Son 3 (Lothair II) got Lotharingia

There is no Lotharingia today because Lothair II couldn’t get a legitimate heir to the throne. He only produced a bastard child named Hugh to run what is now the Benelux region. But because he was such a bastard, Hugh had his eyes gouged out by Charles the Fat (a son of Louis the German) and things disentigrated from there.

Bottom Line: The empire is always pissed away in a peter principled way when the children come to rule what they themselves never grasped.


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This entry was posted on December 11, 2011 by in Geography, History, Music, Power.
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